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Funny Quotes

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said,

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

We've been looking for one more person and I think we found him. It's kind of funny, he stayed out in lane four for almost half of his race. I think we could have won by more.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. LaoTzu. Just make sure that you step in the right direction.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. LaoTzu. Just make sure that you step in the right direction.

Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People travelled with them.

Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People travelled with them.

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it.

It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it." - about how a lot of his characters end up dying.

It's just funny to me how no one respects us. We were just thinking, 'When are we going to get respect? Just when?' I guess we just have to win the national championship.

It's just funny to me how no one respects us. We were just thinking, 'When are we going to get respect? Just when?' I guess we just have to win the national championship.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

Perversity is the human thirst for self-torture.

Perversity is the human thirst for self-torture.

I look like a biker slut from hell meets soldier of fortune pinup.

I look like a biker slut from hell meets soldier of fortune pinup.

It's daft, locking us up,

It's daft, locking us up, " said Nanny. "I'd have had us killed." "That's because you're basically good, " said Magrat. "The good are innocent and create justice. The bad are guilty, which is why they invent mercy.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Harley-Davidson,

Harley-Davidson, " she said. "Sweet.

England once there lived a big And wonderfully clever pig. To everybody it was plain That Piggy had a massive brain. He worked out sums inside his head, There was no book he hadn't read. He knew what made an airplane fly, He knew how engines worked and why. He knew all this, but in the end One question drove him round the bend: He simply couldn't puzzle out What LIFE was really all about. What was the reason for his birth? Why was he placed upon this earth? His giant brain went round and round. Alas, no answer could be found. Till suddenly one wondrous night. All in a flash he saw the light. He jumped up like a ballet dancer And yelled,

England once there lived a big And wonderfully clever pig. To everybody it was plain That Piggy had a massive brain. He worked out sums inside his head, There was no book he hadn't read. He knew what made an airplane fly, He knew how engines worked and why. He knew all this, but in the end One question drove him round the bend: He simply couldn't puzzle out What LIFE was really all about. What was the reason for his birth? Why was he placed upon this earth? His giant brain went round and round. Alas, no answer could be found. Till suddenly one wondrous night. All in a flash he saw the light. He jumped up like a ballet dancer And yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!" "They want my bacon slice by slice "To sell at a tremendous price! "They want my tender juicy chops "To put in all the butcher's shops! "They want my pork to make a roast "And that's the part'll cost the most! "They want my sausages in strings! "They even want my chitterlings! "The butcher's shop! The carving knife! "That is the reason for my life!" Such thoughts as these are not designed To give a pig great piece of mind. Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland, A pail of pigswill in his hand, And piggy with a mighty roar, Bashes the farmer to the floor... Now comes the rather grizzly bit So let's not make too much of it, Except that you must understand That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland, He ate him up from head to toe, Chewing the pieces nice and slow. It took an hour to reach the feet, Because there was so much to eat, And when he finished, Pig, of course, Felt absolutely no remorse. Slowly he scratched his brainy head And with a little smile he said, "I had a fairly powerful hunch "That he might have me for his lunch. "And so, because I feared the worst, "I thought I'd better eat him first.

This whole goddamn house stinks of ghosts.

This whole goddamn house stinks of ghosts.

The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him.

The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him.

Don't try this at home. Do this at home, or do this at home not, there is no try.

Don't try this at home. Do this at home, or do this at home not, there is no try.

Would you like a cough drop Dolores?

Would you like a cough drop Dolores?

I play my own funny way,

I play my own funny way,

Hey, the ubiquitous Leak-Cam is to 2010 as the bottom-of-the-screen news ticker was to late 2001: What you're seeing beneath the news anchor or talking head may not actually include any new information, but you feel like you're watching something dramatic.

Hey, the ubiquitous Leak-Cam is to 2010 as the bottom-of-the-screen news ticker was to late 2001: What you're seeing beneath the news anchor or talking head may not actually include any new information, but you feel like you're watching something dramatic.

Fun Quiz

Which Justin Bieber is real?
Left is real
Right is real

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And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day. Therefore was the name of it called Galeed;And these are the sons of Reuel Esau's son; duke Nahath, duke Zerah, duke Shammah, duke Mizzah: these are the dukes that came of Reuel in the land of Edom; these are the sons of Bashemath Esau's wife.And the sons of Israel came to buy corn among those that came: for the famine was in the land of Canaan.