I am scared of the photo studio. I am scared of the telephone. Scared of anything outside our apartment. Scared of the people in their big fur hats. Scared of the snow. Scared of the cold. Scared of the heat. Scared of the ceiling fan at which I would point one tragic finger and start weeping. Scared of any height higher than my sickbed. Scared of Uncle Electric Current. "Why was I so scared of everything?" I ask my mother nearly forty years later. "Because you were born a Jewish person, " she says.
I thought that if I owned nothing, had nothing, was nothing, I would have nothing left to lose, and I wouldn't be scared anymore. Because my whole life I've been so damn scared. Scared to live because I was scared to die. But at the same I was so scared of living, so I wanted to die. Or maybe so scared of dying that I refused to live. You don't have to be afraid to fall, when you're already on the ground. You don't have to be scared to lose someone, when there's no one around to lose.
I was never really certain why he scared the bejesus out of me. Nothing scared me growing up. I've been playing with dead people since the day I was born, so it's good thing, yet the Big Bad scared me. Which brings me to the reason I called.' 'Which was to give me nightmares for the rest of my life?' 'Oh, no, that's just a plus. Why was I so scared of him?' 'Hon, for one thing he was this powerful, massive, black smokelike being.' 'So, you're saying I'm a racist?
Victor, back there in that basement, when the zombies were... were... moving around on those tables... Twitching? And dead? You didn't even blink. This is nothing like those zombies. No shit. Because this time, you're scared-beyond scared. You're terrified. And whatever's got you scared? I don't want any part of it.